Matt Harvey Drinks Too Much, Makes Excuses, and Is More Relatable Than Ever

Matt Harvey is a jackass.

He’s a self entitled professional athlete, who has accomplished next to nothing and wants the praise attune to the likes of Babe Ruth, identifies as a martyr like Joan of Arc, and probably sits down to pee because someone at a Pinot Noir party told him that rich people did it.

But, admit it.  We are all just like him.

No, most of us don’t have the god given ability to throw a baseball like him.  We don’t have the skills, personality, and enormous clout to virtually take over a sport in what seemed like a matter of seconds.  Nor can we shrink, compartmentalize, and focus our entire lexicon to one thing-Qualcomm.

But, Harvey is not John Dillinger and what happened this last weekend was not the “Crime of the Century”.  Sure, it was just another installment in the litany of “Dark Knight” distractions and excuses like the aforementioned Qualcomm, holding in his pee too long, innings limits, and as a rookie yearning to be Derek Jeter.  But, this last weekend he was more American and relatable than he’s ever been.

We all have our reasons to get shitfaced.  Boredom, depression, striving for that goal of eventual full-blown alcoholism.  Pick your poison,  We’ve all been there.  And like so many us, he called out sick to work because he was hungover.  Nothing defines being American more than in a groggy, head pounding state, vaguely texting your employer that you’re not feeling well and can’t make it to the office today.

In reality, Harvey probably never went golfing at all.  Who would wake up after being out all night getting bombed to go play golf in the hot shining sun and profusely sweat out high priced vodka on to their Calloway dri-fit? No, what more likely happened was the 27 year-old pitcher spent his Saturday night and Sunday morning like many of us have.  He drank way too much, repeated the same story to at least 7 people, smoked cigarettes down to the itty bitty filter, had drunken moments of self-reflection that were quickly erased by another round of the repeated story, woke up hours later and said, “Nah, this ain’t happening”

At his press conference on Tuesday, a reporter asked Harvey if he felt like he let the working class people down by irresponsibly not showing up to work.  Spare me the fucking sanctimonious questioning from the ivoriest of ivory towers.

Matt Harvey is an asshole.  Matt Harvey has excuses.  Matt Harvey doesn’t seem to learn anything from his mistakes.

Matt Harvey is…..just like us.

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