Cuba Now Gets To See How Awful People Are On The Internet

cuba, internet, fidel castro, twitter, facebook, social media  From the country that exported Jose Canseco, Marco Rubio’s parents, and MTV VJ Daisy Fuentes, Cuba gets a big import with access to the worldwide web  and the knowledge and terribleness that it includes.

In reality, the Internet has been available in limited doses across the island, but yesterday a pilot program has started to bring broadband internet to Havana homes and to a much larger audience.

For a country that has dealt with dictatorship and a broad brush of censoring everything, the Cuban population have no idea what they’re about to see. Here’s a list of things that may literally blow their minds-

1. Social Media-The top dog of Internet stupidity.  Instead of having to look over your back in Cuba if you want to make a “controversial” statement.  Well on social media, moronic behavior is encouraged. So, spew away and if it’s really dumb some asshole in Omaha may even like it, retweet it, pin it, or whatever. #whatatimetobealive.  Die quirky and smug Social Media talk. Die slowly.

2. Spam and Scam Emails

Remember your first email account? With every new item in your inbox, you felt special all over.  But, the overall sensation loses its edge quickly.  Eventually, you’re inundated with Free Cialis Trials, promises of multiple IPads just for filling out a “short survey” and suddenly Ethipioans are dying to give you money with just a minor donation from you.

Poor bastards. Cubanos have certainly gone through enough.  Now, they’re going to be lied to by the Internet when they’re told “A hot girl named Jessica (insert busty bimbo pic here) in their area wants to chat and meet immediately” These people don’t deserve this.

3. Unmerciful Pop Up Ads

Some sites are nice about pop-ups, others are downright obnoxious. The last thing the Cuban people need is commands in their face to do things immediately.  Fidel and “the revolution” have been doing this for over 50 years! Way to reassure the virgin web dwellers they aren’t being watched. This should go over swimmingly.

4. Photoshops

I’m sure Cubanos are aware you can alter photos and “shop” them.  But, the Internet is so efficient at this now, it may be downright confusing to a newbie.  Like this picture of Fidel Castro.

cuba, internet, fidel castro, twitter, facebook, social media  I’m going to ASSUME this has been photoshopped. Possibly.

Oh, and residents of Cuba, I’m not even really sure on where to start with Crying Jordan photoshops.  It’s very hard to explain, if it’s even possible.

cuba, internet, fidel castro, twitter, facebook, social media
5. Hipster Americans wearing Che Gueverra shirts

Yeah, good luck with that.

6. Why is everyone so angry?

Most Cuban families earn $25 a month, rely on 60 year old cars, and are oppressed by a tyrannical dictator. But, THE INTERNET is upset?

It will be a long and windy road for Cubans to understand the anger on the Internet.  Whether, it’s over a tweet, a YouTube comment, restricting freedom of speech, or the weather outside, the Internet is angry at all times.

With the wind certainly changing for the better in Cuba, it’s only natural the island is getting more positive and optimistic.  It’s a brand new world of happiness for the Pearl of the Antilles.  But, don’t you DARE bring that shit to the Internet.

LISTEN ON ITUNES!!!!

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

REDRED