Late Monday night , the Seattle Times released the police report surrounding Derrick Coleman. No, not the whoopy damn-do former New Jersey Net Derrick Coleman,but the fullback for the Seattle Seahawkswho was arrested in an alleged hit and run in October. Accoridng to the report, he told police he had been smoking “Spice”, a brand of synthetic marijuana, an hour before the crash. After partaking, he drove like a maniac, weaving in and out of lanes, smashing into another person’s car, which resulted in that driver’s broken clavicle. In a completely abnormal way of handling the situation, he ran away from the scene shoeless and was described as “delirious” and”incoherent”.
This is the second synthetic weed case involving an NFL player in the last month, after Patriots defensive end Chandler Jones smoked some bad stuff and got his on knees and prayed in the parking lot of the Foxbourough Police Department. Oh, and a possible 2016 NFL draft pick fell out of a fourth story window last month after inhaling the fake stuff.
You may remember synthetic weed from such incidents as “K2-Higher and More Hallucinogenic than the Mountain” and “Bath Salts, May I eat your face?”
Luckily, that didn’t happen here. However, while all faces are intact at the moment, does the NFL have a problem with fugazy crazy stuff?
Of course, I can’t answer that question for certain, but would anyone be shocked if it was prevalent?
Last week, Ryan Glasspiegel of the Big Lead did a quick little “Welcome to the Crazy World of Bat Shit Drugs People are Doing” by breaking down some questions regarding synthetic weed. First of all it’s man-made, so you know it’s extra lethal, bro. Second, the drug is detectable in tests, but only tests that cost up to $300 as opposed to the standard $35. The NFL can simply not afford these fancy drug tests, now please hand over all of your money to watch all of our games, you addicted plebeian scoundrel.
Currently, the NFL tests players for drugs once a year starting on 4/20. I mean, are you kidding me? Once they are tested, Smoke ’em if you got ’em because that test isn’t coming for a full calendar year. Probably explains why serial killer Aaron Hernandez was able to smoke so much weed and PCP and never get caught. With drugs that is.
So in closing, we have no idea how many players are smoking this shit, even though most synthetic weed packaging says “Not for human consumption”. Usually a clear indicator, this could be a major problem. Yes, an athlete’s body is their temple and they are willingly ingesting this poison that clearly states it doesn’t belong there.
We were once told inhaling marijuana would trigger delusions of delight turned deadly a la a Reefer Madness piano tune or window jump, but synthetic weed’s results are REAL. But, will the NFL actually do something about this issue before it comes an epidemic or will they sit on their hands like normal and let it bite them in the ass?
LISTEN ON ITUNES!!!!
LISTEN TO THE ALL RED TICKET BLUES PODCASTS-CLICK ON THE ORANGE SQUARE