The year was 2007.
After years of playoff disappointment and the crumbling of the Joe Torre managerial era nearly complete, Yankees fans needed a unified voice. They needed a rallying cry, something to bring them together, and in addition, something to help men with thinning hair.
Enter Guiseppe Franco.
While he did nothing to help the team, as they lost in the ALDS and ended up missing the playoffs in 2008, Franco became an annoyance, a cult hero, and eventually an annoyance once again.
But, wow. What a ride.
He entered our homes with his reputation and a dream. Since most of the free born world had never heard of him, it was going to be a tough sell. But, he came out swinging, sashaying around his big, fancy Beverly Hills salon (Shocked Giuseppe Face!) and his ultra-sheek relationships with Hollywood’s elite like…..Gary Busey. To be honest, Busey’s best role was as the head madmen in Surviving the Game, where they hunt a bum in Ice-T for sport. Procede commercial second best role.
“It’s not a daily regimen or a twice daily regimen. Who has time for that nonsense?” Giuseppe Franco
Seriously, who does? Certainly not Mr.Denim who is posing with a chick way out of his league. Seems legit to me. And hey, Scott Gershon from Miami, Florida doesn’t have time for it either. He’s that hallmark pathetic guy calling on the phone into a commercial that should be able to afford him face time, but can’t! A literal calling card of a piece of shit product.
“I don’t own the company. I don’t own anything about it” Giuseppe Franco
Most people that hawk crap don’t own the company. They’re just a spokesperson. So, what’s your point Giuseppe? If your reputation in the salon forum is so grandiose, wouldn’t you want to be part of such a superior product?
Men need a superior product!
Like the guy who has two hotties running towards him, but gets cold feet as they approach him, he puts on his hat to cover the dome, and they stop dead in their tracks. Honestly, these girls are turned on by baldness, but turned off by hats? Ok.
“Hey, I’m Guiseppe Franco” Giuseppe Franco
This might be the best line of the entire commercial. It’s the equivalent of “Everyone shut up, I have something to say that will make you rethink your relationship with Jesus Christ”. But, in a complete twist of fate, the commercial says Franco is selling them for $450 an application in his salon, while through this commercial you can get inhale the sweet nectar of Procede for $19.95!
So Giuseppe, is your rep based on overcharging infomercial products in your Hollywood salon by 25 times the normal rate? That’s sad. You seem like such a reputable guy. Well, with the Gary Busey relationship and all.
I wanted to inquire more about this product that had the potential to replace gasoline and pitch better than Felix Heredia, but THERE IS NO CONTACT INFO the whole commercial!
Nevertheless, the commercial exploded on YES network, seemingly being played 67 times a day. That also may be an understatement.
And just like that Procede vanished from our lives.. We never heard from Giuseppe Franco again. With promises of a “program that gets results”, he was gone.
But every once in a while, when I’m watching an awful and cheap advertisement on YES, I look up at the sky with a sly grin and coo the old phrase, “Hey, I’m Giuseppe Franco”
And that makes its alright.
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