20 Things Sandy Alderson And The New York Mets Want For Nothing

 sandy alderson, new york mets, trade deadline, payroll, general manager Earlier today, ESPN baseball insider Jerry Crasnick tweeted this out concerning the New York Mets wish list as the July 31st MLB trade deadline approaches-

@jcrasnick – A MLB exec on #Mets: “They want a middle of the order OF bat who isn’t going to cost anything — in terms of dollars or players.”

That’s cute. I’d like the ability to effortlessly fly like a bird, stop Adolf Hitlerin his tracks, and attend the 1893 World’s Fair.

Neither of us are having our wishes granted. 

But, here’s the complete list of what general manager Sandy Alderson craves using the same frugal philosophy of “something for nothing”. 

1.Mike Trout

2. The Dez Bryant Tape 

3. The Najeh Davenport Crime Photos 

4. Carmelo Anthony’s Syracuse Freshman Year Grades 

5. Bryce Harper 

6. A Time Machine 

7. Nude Photos of Melissa McCarthy 

8. Component Team Doctors 

9. The original script of Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skull (because that hunk of shit couldn’t have been the real thing) 

10. D.B. cooper’s whereabouts 

11.The rare raunchy standup of Jackie Kennedy Onassis 

12. Bernie Madoff’s soul 10 years ago 

13. Paul Goldschmidt 

14.The Mike and The Mad Dog 9/11 tapes 

15. David Simon apology for Season 5 of The Wire 

16.An logical explanation from Joe Torres as to why Kevin Brown started Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS 

17.Felix Hernandez 

18. Free kegs of beer for CitiField with no expiration dates 

19.The unpublished Mother Theresa biography where she says she hates children, the sick, and peasants

20.To strike Walky Backman’s name from sports radio for eternity

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