In a little less than a month, you’ll sit down with the family you love, the family you love to hate, and the family you have a love/hate relationship with and commence in an annual Thanksgiving dinner. But, right after the small talk has succeeded and the tryptophan is beginning to work its magic, Pitbull is going to ruin everything.
Just like he always does.
During halftime of the Eagles/Cowboys game, performing artist Pitbull will serenade the nation with some god-awful music that includes an eclectic mix of English, Spanish, gibberish, and as much product placement as humanly possible. This man needs to be stopped.
For some reason time after time, board meetings across the nation are ended with the phrase, “Well its agreed. Pitbull it is”.Eventually this culminates into him pushing his shitty music on us during sporting events. Oh, you don’t remember?
Well, if you’re not familiar with this said Pitbull character, just know his career took off the with the smash hit “Culo”, which literally translates to “Ass” in English. I think you can see where I’m going here.
Eventually, this talented artist took his “ass” ballads to the commercials of sporting events with his Kodak plugs.
Honestly, I can’t get on that commercial. At this point, he’s relatively new to the national scene, so his malnourished pimp image kind of works for the everyman sitting at home. We are introduced to “Dale”, which means “go ahead” or “give it” in English or in Pitbull language means “my catchphrase”.
But, this. This right here. This was when this bald jackass invaded my TV and hasn’t left yet. Like any man he took the moolah from one of the top beer distributors in the world and sold out to everyone watching a sporting event, but does it have to be in the unrealistic fashion? In order to get people pumped, “Bud Light + Pitbull=Here We Go” was the narrative splashed to our televisions every break in action. But, the worst and I mean the worst, is Pitbull’s revelling in artificial and monetary glee while holding a Bud Light bottle with dozens of others holding bottles gyrating along with him. The absolute worst. Please stop the Paarrrty.
The next advertisement that bothers me to no end is this Dr. Pepper spot. It’s a lot like the entirety of the Bud Light commercial, but even less believable. The next time I hear anyone say, “That shit was crazy last night. Everyone was popping Dr. Pepper!” will be the first time. But, again this garbage continued to flood my airwaves.
Oh, and who could forget this horseshit? Tired of Mike Breen desperately trying to defend the refs? Exhausted with Jeff Van Gundy feverishly babbling about…well something? Well, tough shit this was your outro…every goddamn time during the NBA playoffs last year. Playoffs. It’s going down. Playoffs. We get it.
Now, I’m not a soccer fan, but like many I jump on the bandwagon every four years for the World Cup. Ready to tune into the festivities and…HERE HE IS AGAIN! Is there any relief from this asshole? Jacked-up white pants, tucked in shirt, shoes from Clark Griswold’s brother in-law Eddie Pitbull is the worst Pitbull of all.
When it’s all said and done, there’s no denying Pitbull makes a lot of money. Someone is buying this garbage and somewhere two people are fiercely engaged in an argument over which of his albums is the best.
Ok, maybe not. Dale.
Yet, never has an artist earned so much cash from possessing such little talent. But, communally we have to stop his whoring of products and continuous invasion of our sports enjoyment. He’s gone too far. He’s ruining holidays now. We’ve had enough.
So, try to enjoy the aftertaste of your Thanksgiving dinner. There’s a chance you might be a little bloated, even a tad sick. Pitbull won’t make it any easier.