This College Baseball Jersey Constructed Of Selfies Will Be The Death Of Us

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It’s safe to say the Internet has turned us into idiots with little to no attention span and individuals bloated with self worth for completing the most menial task. But now, that useless online “productivity” has infiltrated the game of baseball.

Today, Deadspin posted a story about the Kalamazoo Growlers. They are a collegiate summer league team in the Northwoods League. Just like Summer Catch except for the lack of Jessica Biel and tranquil Cape Cod shoreline. In fact, Kalamazoo is famous for three things: the birthplace of Derek Jeter, the focal point of a Glen Miller song, and a name that resembles the childhood toy, kazoo.

But, the real reason we’re talking about Kalamazoo is because on a soon to be announced July evening, the Growlers will celebrate “Salute to Selfies” night. The joyous celebration will be topped off with player jerseys made entirely of fan “selfies”.

Sigh.

It seems like every six months or so the Internet creates or shares some dumb meme, trend, dance, etc, that we HAVE to talk about incessantly for at least a week. Then usually…poof! It’s gone. When’s the last time anyone gave a shit about a Harlem Shake video? But, last year, you totally had to see the third version from that old lady and her parakeet from
northern Oklahoma. Didn’t you?

I realize the “selfie” is the gold standard of Internet filler. It can always be molded, recycled, and recreated to look like the hottest thing for about…eight seconds. But, with the success of the Emmy selfie that idiots had to retweet on Twitter, so they can go to bed knowing they were part of “history”, the term has entered our lexicon and is tainting our national pastime.

Hasn’t the game gone through enough? Cheating scandals, rampant steroid use, stealing signs and now you want to add annoying self righteous hateable girls with “duck face” kisses to that?

Oh, Internet. Don’t be cruel.

However, the one positive aspect is that it’s a one night deal of baseball desecration. The stadium will be abuzz with selfie talk, people taking selfies with the players, buying selfie jerseys to take selfies with.

Maybe in August, they can have dramatic Chipmunk night or a Kids Day entitled, “I love Turtles”.

Bottom line is that if you’re at this game and you are using the world “selfie” without a hint of irony, please look at yourself in the mirror. But, for the love of GOD, don’t take a picture!

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