For The Love Of God, Stop Doing These “Which (Blank) Are You?” Tests


Every once in a while, quick and fun little Internet diversions appear virtually out of nowhere. Whether, it’s FarmVille, MafiaWars, or the always elusive “Somebody just answered a question about you!”, they become a constant bellowing from nearly everyone. Then, in many cases, poof! They’re gone.

Please let this happen with the “What (blank) am I ?” phase.

Most of these annoying surveys originate from Buzzfeed. Basically, Buzzfeed is the Bleacher Report of the Pop/Culture world with nettlesome and nonessential lists of anything and everything. How could we possibly live without the age-old conversation involving the “18 Reasons Miley Cyrus Should Be Wearing Synthetic Dog Hair in 2017”?

Let’s get this straight. You are not a sandwich, nor a state, nor an animal. Like the Elephant Man proclaimed, you are “a human being!”.

I know some of are you are saying, “Jeez, Brian. Get a grip. It’s a stupid quiz. Haven’t you heard of fun?”. Yes, I’m aware of this “fun” concept, but when everyone latches on to a ridiculous host of nonsense at the same time, “fun” is non-existent. Idiocy rules supreme.

Contrary to many people’s thoughts, these quizzes are not actually scientific. And, telling someone what kind of ice cream sundae you are at a party will not make you seem the least bit humorous. In fact, I would probably slowly back away and pretend to check my phone.

So, please people. Think twice before filling out the next quizzical hypothetical transformation. I don’t hate you. But, if you tell me what kind of vegetable you are, I will.

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