New York Wants To Kill All The Swans. All Of Them


It all began with Hadfield versus McCoy’s veracity in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park in 2009. An outside swan crew moved in on the established turf of another swan clique. Obviously, things did not go well.

The violence that followed brought attention to “that swan life”, which eventually spurned the question: Why are they here?

These particularly nasty birds are not an original staple of the Empire State landscape. So, the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation wants to eliminate the unwelcome guests. Just like the bums in Times Square.

By 2025, the department plans to eliminate the 2,200 long necked hissing monsters. Unbeknownst to many probable swan defenders, they are not the eloquent form of silver tongued grace that they think.

In fact, they are an invasive species that consume pounds of lush aquatic plants, damage fish habitats, shit everywhere, and there’s that whole representing their “brick” thing.

While I don’t condone the mass genocide of swans or any other animal. But, like Chris Rock says, “I understand”. Invasive species can ruin an ecological system on so many levels it can take years, if even possible, to rectify.

While these orange beaked birds appear to the epitome of everything in a civilized society born out of The Great Gatsby, the birds are bad for the quality of life in the state of New York.

Sometimes things just don’t belong.

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