Mark Teixeira is 100% Making Excuses Again

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During the offseason, the New York Yankees bolstered their artillery from last year. No more relying on washed up has beens on one year contracts. Now they’re stacked with new stars like catcher Brian McCann and outfielders Jacoby Ellsbury and Carlos Beltran.

But, there are plenty of old faces returning in 2014 after injury plagued campaigns in 2013. And with old faces come old bullshit. Isn’t that right, Mark Teixeira?

Years ago, it was that nagging calf injury that always seemed to be a problem, along with a stubborn cough that just wouldn’t go away. The calf injury landed the first baseman on the DL several times in 2012 and all the while he gave us percentage updates of how his calf was progressing or not progressing to know he wasn’t at 100%. I’m surprised his back didn’t hurt from that cross he was carrying.

Around this time last year, Tex was once again gotten by the injury bug, when he suffered a ECU tear in his wrist getting ready for the World Baseball Classic, sidelining him until June. He returned later in the season, gave it a go for 15 games, then called it a season. Luckily, I don’t need Mark to tell me that’s not a lot of percentages of games played.

So, now after more rehab, Teixeira is crossing his T’s and dotting his I’s early. In an interview with the Wall Street Journal, he did what he did best-kept us abreast of his bodily strength percentage updates. “Any athlete that says, after a major surgery, that they have no problems…they’re 100%, and they’re going to be as good as ever—yeah, you can say that, but in the back of your mind, you’re always thinking, OK, I still have to do it”, he said.

He went on to comment on his own wrist progression. “I’m expecting until June, and maybe even through this entire season, it’ll be a little tight,” Teixeira said.

My percentages are telling me he’s already loading up on the built in excuses for his annual April futility. So, don’t boo him when he’s in full Teixeira mode in the beginning of the season. It’s much different this time.

Frankly, I’m getting really sick of Teixeira  and his whiny updates. I’m not dismissing the seriousness of a major wrist injury, as that’s where a serious amount of power is coming from to swing that bat. But, his career numbers have dipped since coming to New York and his justifications for not playing have become plentiful, and honestly quite annoying.

In September of 2011, in the middle of a playoff race, he left the team to be with his wife while she gave birth to their third child. So, in this pansified world, I begrudgingly can get behind missing a few games for your first kid, but after that-set up Skype at the game and earn the $18.5 million to play for crying out loud. “Mr.Mom” on daddy leave-What a warrior!

At this point, I’d almost rather Teixeira shut up about his percentages and just try his best to play. The prearranged problems are not doing anything other than making you like a big softie that’s scared to play hurt.

Through the powers of reasoning, I determined all of this is 100% true.

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