Don’t You Dare Think About Picking Garlic At The Sochi Winter Olympics

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Despite Russian authorities assurance of no terrorist problems at the Sochi Olympic Games that begin on February 7th, a fresh and sometimes pungent threat has arisen on the horizon.

Garlic pickers.

Yes, the plucking of that lovely monocot from the fields of Heaven is now strictly forbidden during the games, according to Kavkazskiy Uzel and Kavkaz Tsentr websites.

“The infidels and apostates have not explained in what way picking wild garlic in the forests… could endanger the Sochi Olympics”, the website said.

While it hasn’t been officially reported by Russian authorities, they’ve have made it quite clear on the hush hush that during the Winter games you can live without wild garlic.

Kavkaz-Tsentr also cites unnamed sources saying the restriction will last from 1/23 to 3/23 in parts of Chechnya and neighbouring Ingushetia. Two months without garlic because we said so. Sounds like a typical and through Russian explanation.

In reality, Chechnyian rebels have been responsible for countless terror attacks on Mother Russia in past years. So most likely, it’s a phony excuse for rebels to not threaten the games.

Terrorists always adhere to garlic picking restrictions.

So if the possible anti-gay backlash and possible dangerous terrorists make you a little queasy, townspeople with a preference for garlic might the death of you.

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