So, by now I hope you’ve gotten all the Kellen Winslow jokesout of your system. Yes, I know you got “a rise” out of his “jerking around” when he was arrested for a different variety of “carjacking”. Ok, are you done now? Good, me neither.
Luckily, today we can revisit a time when Winslow’s member wasn’t the “rage”, in fact his family jewels were quite a “big” story at one point as well.
In 2009, as a member of the Cleveland Browns, Winslow suffered from something that wasn’t his fault this time. Well, it was slightly his fault.
At the time, the Cleveland locker room was secretly gaining steam as a serious cesspool of unsanitary conditions. Between the years of 2003-2009, six players were treated for staph infections including LeCharles Bentley, who actually had to have his leg amputated.
While Winslow didn’t have to endure the ultimate punishment, the locker room wrapped its tentacles around him though. At one point in his life, I’m sure the blowhard claimed he had big balls. Well, it became a reality.
It started with an extreme soreness in the groin area, which mutated to the enlargement of his testicles to the point it “hurt to walk”. The next game, his balls were actually drained, so he could play in a game against the Redskins. “They had to drain it. They had a scalpel”, Winslow revealed. “They cut into it. I had to clean it every day with a Q-Tip, for two and a half weeks. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever been through.”
Winslow being the class act he is, passed the infection on to his wife, who had to be hospitalized.
So, how is any of this fault? Well, “The Soldier” thought very highly of himself, as if he were the only patient of the Browns training staff. Thus, they really weren’t going out of their way to defend Winslow and his elephantiasis of the testicles or sympathize with those giant balls.
Well there ya go, Winslow has basically been a bust in the NFL, but his nether regions are always a crowd pleaser. One more for good luck.
Now, here is your obligatory “Solider” clip: