Who would have thought processed dead cow would be bring two heated rival countries together?
For years, the United States and Iran have been at odds over, well basically everything. Whether it’s the US walking out of the United Nations when Iran speaks or Tehran boasting about nuclear weapons they won’t let anyone see, the two have not been a crowning example of “playing nice”.
Plus, that whole visit by Frank Dreben exposing Ayatollah Komeni’s multicolor mohawk certainly didn’t help relations.
But, suddenly the boring bovine has pushed its way to the forefront of unity.
For years, the United States has adopted the hamburger as a traditional slice of wholesome Americana. A simple meal representing simple times, all the while illuminating democracy and freedom. Or something.
Now if you take a look at downtown Tehran, images of a 1950’s flashback of Route 66 appear as often as a local falafel shop. American themed burger joints donning pictures of James Dean and muscle cars are popping up all over the city. With ultra inventive names like McAli’s and a Five Guys rip-off entitled Five Guys, the “Westoxification” seems to be alive and well in Iran.
“Our concept is purely American,” said Arash Farhadpour-
Shirazi, co-owner of Garage Grill. “Burgers and cars.” The irony there is overwhelming.
I always find it strange that a culture that continually denounces Americans as disgusting pigs is so quick to scoop up and celebrate it’s values. If they only knew are glutinous, disgusting societal values they would shiver in fear. However on the other hand, when public stonings are a common form of congregation, maybe what Justin Bieber or Beyoncé did last night isn’t as awful anymore.
So, let’s start the peace negotiations with a greasy half-pound of dumb cow. Let’s put clandestine CIA missions and nuclear weapons to the side and begin this new relationship with the theories of the perfect condiment for the perfect burger.