Ryan Braun-Just Another Case Of Blatant Douchebaggery


Ten years ago, California native Ryan Braun admittedly chose the University of Miami over local colleges like Stanford and UC Berkley because of “the girls”. Who knew that one day, that same raging testosterone in South Florida would come back to ruin his baseball reputation.

Located just .6 miles from the University sits the former Biogenesis of America, home to Anthony Bosch, the owner of the tainted and prosecuted drug pedaling establishment. Right there, within that short stretch of miles, Ryan Braun made himself the great player and tremendous piece of shit he is today.  As a Hurricane, he became an All-American and was drafted by the Brewers with the fifth pick in the 2005 MLB draft.  He was a can’t miss star.

However in 2011, the days of being a villain began after Braun did something that hundreds of players do all the time: he peed in a cup at the request of Major League Baseball.  After dominating the National League with a .332 BA, 109 R, 111 RBI, 33 SB, and 33 HR. What did he have to fear?  He was the soon to be named NL MVP and his urine was gold with max contract like goodness.

Except it wasnt.

Soon the rumors started about a positive steroid test, then the insanely high testosterone results, in fact they were quoted as, “insanely high, the highest ever for anyone who has ever taken a test, twice the level of the highest test ever taken”.

Then the pathetic denials came, also known as Braun lies.  “This is all B.S. I am completely innocent”.  He did nothing wrong. He was pure.  In  tragic twist fate, he was “right”.  Through a technicality, he appealed the positive test and won.

While proclaiming his false innocence, he dragged test collector Dino Laurenzi’s name and “intentions” through the dirt on a national stage.  “There were a lot of things that we learned about the collector, about the collection process, about the way that the entire thing worked that made us very concerned and very suspicious about what could have actually happened”, Braun said of Laurenzi because he had stored Braun’s urine in his fridge one night instead of finding an open Fed-Ex office to submit it.

It was “mishandled” and Braun was exonerated.  And just for good measure, Braun in Uncle Leo like passion circulated through the his friends and baseball community that Laurenzi was an anti-Semite.

Throughout the whole appeal, his smug mannerisms were sickening.  With pompous confidence, he mocked Major League Baseball and inflated his self-worth and dignity like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day balloon.  He lectured us about he handled things with “honor”, as if we were hanging on every word on how to one day imitate him.  And if for some reason you doubted him, he laughed at you.  “The people that are close to me — my friends, my family — know the truth”, Braun boasted.  Take that whatever way you want it.

Suddenly in 2013, South Florida was in Braun’s life again.  And busty co-eds had nothing to do with it.

Over and over again, he denied his involvement with Anthony Bosch and Biogenesis, including four public statements proclaiming his innocence. Universally though, no one believed him.  Where there was smoke there was fire.  The American public might be too quick to forgive, but they are no means dumb.

On July 22,2013, MLB suspended Braun for 65 games, ending his 2013 season with the Milwaukee Brewers and essentially ending the last remaining thread of Braun’s minimal integrity.  Afterwards, he released an admission of “mistakes” without really apologizing.  A large majority of the statement involved how he needed to improve himself and hell-bent on trying “to understand why I responded the way I did, which I continue to regret”.

Now, after ruining Dino Laurenzi’s professional life, Braun has moved his apology train towards his direction. In fact, they sat down for dinner Braun said and they have “made amends”.  Usually that translates into a nice cash settlement, but Braun denies any money exchanged hands.  Who’s to doubt him? he’s never lied before.


Now, he stands before us, looking for sympathy after he lied to us for years with a self-indulged shit eating grin all the while.  Talking down to us like we were the simpletons that just “didn’t get it”, but now were supposed to “understand”.

Just another case of blatant douchebaggery.

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