“Sorry Kids, We Want to Ban Halloween”, Says Groups of Lunatics


“Won’t someone please think of the children?”-Helen Lovejoy

Halloween is descending on us all!

The one day in the universe of Kidom where you can completely morph into your own being. A solitary night when you can allow your creative juices (or an over zealous and vicarious parent) flow freely! Basically, the entire episode can define, for good or bad, your social status in one night.

But, like many great things, the tradition of Halloween must come to end. Trick or treating must cease to exist. Kids having fun must be banned forever. Well, according to some crazy people.

This time the political correct Gestapo have a bevy of reasons that October 31st should be shut down like an asbestos factory.

Our northern neighbor, Naomi Lakritz of the Calgary Herald thinks the day should be done with because she doesn’t want us to be a “prisoner in your own home” and the whole damn thing is “intrusive”. She at least wants “trick-or-treating outlawed”. Yes, I forgot the holiday completely is targeted at her demographic region. If the door ringing and childlike banter is too much for you, go volunteer at a soup kitchen every October 31st. At least, you could help people. Unless that’s “intrusive” as well.

But this isn’t about a solitary opinion columnist in Canada. No, many other baked screwballs are in Lakritz’s corner.

Bexley, Maryland school authorities are planning to scrap Halloween festivities and replacing them with the brand spanking new “Fall Fest”. Yes, I’m that excited too. Reasons behind the switcharoo include poor kids can’t afford costumes (Buy a sheet. Boom roasted), some kids are experiencing nightmares because of the scary costumes (grow a pair.Boom roasted), and the almighty religion card.

I’m not sure if Bexley,Maryland has a large Druid and Pagan population, but I’m assuming its a rather thin crowd. So loose associations to Christian rituals where (rich and poor) kids get candy is bad. Celebrating a man being nailed to a wooden cross with a title of “Good” is acceptable. Got it.

So, the one night a year a child wants to take its most original inner workings and put them on display for their friends, families, and neighbors, some adults want to take away.

Unfortunately, the “Banners” fail to recognize one simple thing. These kids will have the rest of their lives to be pissed off, bitter, old curmudgeons. A seemingly eternal period of time consumed with obnoxious bosses and credit card bills. Let them have their day. And listen to Helen Lovejoy.

“Won’t someone please think of the children?”


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